"No, really, I'm OK to drive." -- I'm wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I am going home with.
"I'm not used to these darts." -- I'm not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I am this bombed.
"You get this one, next round is on me." -- We won't be here long enough to get another round.
"I'll get this one, next one is on you. -- Happy hour is about to end....now drafts are a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.
"Hey, where is that friend of yours?" -- I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.
"Lets get out of here." -- I just dumped a half a pitcher of beer into that Harley guy's helmet.
"I've had like 10 beers already." -- I've only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this way.
"Who's got the next round?" -- I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.
"Excuse Me." (male to male) -- Get the hell out of the way.
"Excuse Me." (male to female) -- I am going to grope you now.
"Excuse Me." (female to male) -- Don't even think about groping me, just get the hell out of the way.
"Excuse Me." (female to female) -- Move your fat can. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that, missy, and don't think for one minute that you are, coming in here dressing like a harlot? Get our eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you like the street-walker you are!
"I'm out of here, I have to work in the morning." -- I owe that guy who just walked in the door 100 bucks and have been avoiding him since football season.
"What do you have on tap?" -- What's cheap?
"You go ahead, I'll catch a cab" -- I already lined up a ride home with your "ex".
"That person looks really familiar." -- Did I go home with him/her?
"Can I just get a glass of water?" (female) -- I'm annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.
"Can I just get a glass of water?" (male) -- It's 6:00 am and I just stopped drinking 1/2 hour ago. Hell, I probably dropped half of my paycheck in here last night, it is the least you can do for me.
"Do you have any Wild Turkey?" -- I want to make my friend really sick so we can all laugh at him in the morning.
"I don't have my ID on me." (female) -- I'm underage.
"I don't have my ID on me." (male) -- I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a .40 after my last visit here.