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School

Just in case some of these sound a little bit cruel -- I used to be a teacher.

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Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit." Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."

ha ha!

Sometimes, when I'm in class, I dream that I'm on a tropical island, with a dozen or more scantily clad females beside me, sitting under a huge palm tree, with some soft gentle music being played on some traditional wood instruments of that region, and a cool gentle breeze caressing my tanned body. I do all this while trying to forget I'm in a classroom. Of course, it would be so much easier without everyone yelling at me to keep teaching.

ha ha!

In the dorm, one of the favourite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the resident assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag! It was then he realised that "those crazy guys" had removed the drainpipe beneath the sink.

ha ha!

Teacher: " Hello boys, Remember! Nothing is impossible."
One student: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put back it into the tube again."

ha ha!

Teacher: "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested to listen ?"
Student: "A Teacher."

ha ha!

Teacher: " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?"
One Student: " Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime ."

ha ha!

Teacher: " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in his hand. "

ha ha!

A Boston brokerage house advertised for a "young Harvard graduate or the equivalent." Among the inquiries received was one from a Yale grad, He said, "do you mean two Princeton men, or a Yale man part time ?"

ha ha!

A student at the University of Maryland got into the local grocery store's "ten items or less" line with a cart full of stuff. The cashier took one look at him and said, "I don't know if you're an Engineering student who can't read, or a Computer Science student who can't count, but you'll have to move to another line."

ha ha!

Coach to returning football star: "You're outta shape Cooper. What the hell have you been doing all summer, studying ?"

ha ha!

I've heard of progressive schools before, but a new one in Columbia Maryland have two avant-garde players on their football team and two vanguards on the front line.

ha ha!

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide." And for plenty of good reasons, since:

1. it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical. Forty-three (43) said yes, six (6) were undecided, and only one (1) knew that the chemical was water.

The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?" He feels the conclusion is obvious.


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