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True Stories!

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A man walked into a Circle-K in Louisiana, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer was $15. Question: if someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?

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There was a seventy-four year old man who had just married a woman he met at a dating service. She was fifty-five years old and a retired cleaning woman. This happy newly wed couple went by train to their honeymoon hotel in the country. In the bridal suite the man seemed to be confused regarding the normal procedures of a honeymoon. The man settled down in the bed and began reading the Bible. Hours of Bible reading passed, until it was 3am. At this time the man was interrupted when his wife, now nude jumped playfully onto the end of the bed. The man took her actions the wrong way and instead of responding privately, he threw his Bible at her. Then looking for a means of escape, he jumped out of a nearby window. He landed in the snow. Then he was followed about five minutes later by his wife, who chased him around in the cold night air for an hour. The police finally came and apprehended them. In jail the man said, "I've had enough of women." The woman asked for a replacement husband from the dating service!

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The Reliable Source

By Lloyd Grove
Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, January 23, 2001 ; Page C01

The Purloined Letter

Incoming staffers of the Bush White House are apparently victims of a practical joke perpetrated by their predecessors. Bush aides settling into the Old Executive Office Building have discovered that many computer keyboards in their work spaces are missing the W key -- as in President Bush's middle initial.

"There are dozens, if not hundreds, of keyboards with these missing keys," a White House aide told us yesterday, speaking on condition of anonymity to confirm reports from two Republican sources. "In some cases the W is marked out, but the most prevalent example is the key being removed. In some cases the W keys have been taped on top of the doorways, which are 12 feet tall. In other cases the key is just damaged, with the spring broken or removed."

The Bush aide added that the damaged keyboards are being found "in any number of different offices and divisions at the Old EOB. It has the technical and computer support people very busy. They already have quite a lot to do. I don't believe they expected to be coping with this as well. I think they're working to repair or replace the equipment, whatever they can do."

Our efforts to reach former staffers of Al Gore and Bill Clinton were mostly unsuccessful yesterday, but Gore campaign press secretary Chris Lehane, tongue in cheek, fielded our request for an explanation: "My guess is that the White House did not have many reasons to use the letter W over the last couple of years. It's possible they just fell off because of sheer atrophy." Lehane added: "I think the missing W's can be explained by the vast left-wing conspiracy now at work."

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Although crime seems to be the best paid profession in South Africa at the moment, it is still not as sophisticated as in some of the other parts of the world. A Gentleman based in Bogota, Columbia, tells the story of a fellow American whose new Mercedes Benz was stolen off the street. The next day, he received a phone call demanding a $10,000 ransom. On the advice of his insurers, he paid up, and the robbers duly left his car where he could find it. The next day they phoned again, saying that because he had paid so promptly, his car was "insured" against theft for a full year. A week later, however, his Merc was gone again. The same thieves phoned to demand $10,000. "But it's not fair," protested the victim, "you stole my car before and promised it wouldn't happen again for 12 months." After first protesting that this was impossible, the caller promised to check, and the victim could hear computer keys over the phone. Finally, the caller was back on the line, full of apologies, and told the victim where his Merc could be found. When he got there the American found not only his car, but also a bottle of French Champagne on the front seat, as well as a card apologizing for the mistake and the inconvenience.

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ROBBER RETURNS MONEY, THEN VICTIMS JUMP START HIS CAR

ST. PETERS, Missouri (AP) -- A gunman robbed a convenience store of less than $100 -- then gave it back because his car wouldn't start. In return, the two clerks at the 7-11 gave his car a jump-start. They also waited 40 minutes before calling police, and didn't get the guy's license plate number. "We have a friendly town out here," police Officer David Kuppler said of the St. Louis suburb. Kuppler said the robber told the clerks the holdup was a joke, but he also noted that the robber "still had the gun and (the clerks were) just complying with him." About an hour after the 7-Eleven heist early Friday, a suspect was arrested following a robbery at a nearby gas station, along with an alleged helper. Each was charged with two counts of first-degree robbery, said Paul Kaiser of the St. Charles County prosecutor's office. The manager of the 7-Eleven, who would not give his name, referred questions to the franchise owner but would not provide his name. Margaret Chabris, spokeswoman for the Dallas-based Southland Corp., parent company of 7- Eleven, said there was no indication the clerks did anything wrong. She said 7-Eleven clerks are advised not to be confrontational and not to resist a robber. "If there's a robbery, we can replace the money and the product," she said. As for giving the robber a jump-start, she said: "If there's a gun, then maybe they made the right decision, depending on how threatened they felt."

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An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver, Colorado, for being smart and funny and making her point when confronted with an angry passenger. During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "(Expletive) you." Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too." The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was canceled and people were late, they were no longer angry at United.


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