Music terms you never knew
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Aleatoric Music:
Music composed by the random selection of pitches and rhythms. Frequently found in some professional opera choruses.
Antiphonal:
Leaving your answering machine on all the time.
Basso continuo:
When a conductor can't get him to stop.
Cantus firmus:
A singer in good physical condition. As opposed to the "Cantus phlabbious" (see Sackbutt).
Concerto grosso:
A concert of, for example, accordions or kazoos.
Contralto:
An alto who has been convicted.
Dominant:
In an operatic relationship, usually the mezzo-soprano.
Fantasie:
Dmitri Hvorostovsky in leather pants and a t-shirt.
Glissando:
What usually precedes the highest note in the soprano's big aria.
Grand Pause:
What occurs when the conductor loses his place.
Heterophony:
The only kind of music allowed at the Southern Baptist Convention.
Leitmotif:
Like a regular motif, but less filling.
Perfect pitch:
Throwing a banjo in the dumpster without hitting the sides.
Polonaise:
A condiment frequently put on a parrot sandwich.
Polychoral motet:
Six parrots singing "Exultate justi."
Recapitulation:
What usually happens after eating a parrot sandwich.
Sackbutt:
A soprano over the age of 65.
Score:
Basses 2, Castrati 0.
Smorzando:
The "All-You-Can-Eat" buffet at Luciano's kitchen.
Theme:
"Oh, the singing was terrible!"
Theme and variations:
"The singing was terrible, the production was awful,and those costumes!"
Tonic:
What is often enjoyed over ice after an evening at the opera.
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