My old friend Pat didn't really come up with all of these, but he contributed all of them, so I'll give him some credit.
It is true that if your paperboy throws your paper into the bushes for five straight days it can be explained by Newton's Law of Gravity. But it takes Murphy's law to explain why it is happening to you.
There exist no data which cannot be plotted on a straight line if the axes are chosen wisely.
C is a programming language with the power and flexibility of assembly language, combined with the elegance and readability of assembly language.
f u cn rd ths, y shd i lrn 2 spl
While you were reading this your computer became obsolete. Again.
--Pat
There has been an alarming increase in the things that you know nothing about.
The goal of computer science is to build something that will last at least until we finish building it.
If you eat a live toad first thing in the morning, nothing worse will happen to you all day.
The best defense against logic is ignorance.
All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really".
If I wait long enough in one spot, the world will entertain me.
--Pat
Optimization hinders evolution.
God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
--attributed to Bill Gates
Thursday's Topic: How Management Works
Friday's Topic: How To Nail Jell-O To The Ceiling
Shoot low, boys, they're riding Shetlands!
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Anyone who believes in telekinesis, raise my hand.
I do more work all day than some people do before 5 AM.
--Pat
The Two Rules to Success in Life:
(1) Never tell anyone everything you know.