The Funny Farm!

Believe It Or Not

1. With exercise I've managed to work the fat from my stomach. It's all behind me, now.
2. Too many people conduct their lives on the cafeteria plan -- self service only!
3. Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
4. Nothing will make a guy fall on his face faster than hitting the ceiling.
5. One thing you can still get for a quarter is five nickels.
6. If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.
7. Why is it that the easiest way to do anything is wrong?
8. Practice makes perfect -- except when it comes to getting up in the morning.
9. To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
10. Just when you get to the point where menu prices don't matter -- calories do.
11. The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.
12. All things come to him whose name is on a mailing list.
13. If you live within your income you'll live without worry -- and a lot other things.
14. The supermarket is where you spend thirty minutes hunting for instant coffee.
15. Anyone bored these days is not paying attention.
16. Just be glad you're not getting all the government you're paying for.
17. Did you hear about the disoriented skunk who made no scents?
18. Man is the only species who plants a crop he can't eat but still has to mow every week.
19. A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure.
20. There are much more important things than money. The trouble is, they all cost money.