The Funny Farm!

Believe It Or Not

1. Although inflation has hit almost everything, no one has offered me more than a penny for my thoughts.
2. In the pink is the way you feel when you get out of the red.
3. Honesty is a question of right and wrong, not a matter of policy.
4. Marriage is the only union that cannot be organized. Both sides think they are management.
5. Fishing is the art of doing almost nothing.
6. The question is not whether man descended from the monkey, but when is he going to stop descending.
7. Raise: the increase in pay you get just before going into debt a little further.
8. Argument: two people trying to get the last word in first.
9. I bought some oysters the other day and I found a pearl, so I broke even.
10. You really find out who your friends are when your cat has kittens.
11. Blessed are the ignorant for they are happy in thinking they know everything.
12. A pessimist may not know what he wants, but he knows he'll never get it.
13. Nothing cures insomnia like the realization it's time to get up.
14. Old timer: the person who remembers when a bureau was a piece of furniture.
15. For many the idea of poverty is a black and white television.
16. Many people who have the gift of gab don't know when to wrap it up.
17. Split second: That brief moment in time between reading the freeway sign and realizing you've missed the off ramp.
18. Little girl to Scotsman playing bagpipe: "If you let go maybe it'll stop screaming".
19. You're definitely at middle age when the phone rings and you hope it's not for you.
20. I don't know why crab grass should be crabby. It's always winning.