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Believe It Or Not

1. Integrity is what keeps you from looking ahead to see how the story ends.
2. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
3. Modern dances have developed by leaps and bounds.
4. You're on the road to success when you realize that failure is merely a detour.
5. I am so flexible I can put either foot in my mouth.
6. By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.
7. There is no such thing as temporary tax or permanent press.
8. All of our lives we are urged to tell the truth, and then we discover that no one wants to hear it.
9. No one can shake hands well with a clenched fist.
10. Now that I've bought a microwave oven, I can burn dinner in half the time.
11. When your back is to the wall there's no place to go but ahead.
12. Nonchalance is the ability to look like an owl when you've acted like a jackass.
13. Even though we didn't all come over on the same ship, we are now in the same boat.
14. Man is the only animal who breaks his neck to save face.
15. Forever is along time, but not as long as it was yesterday.
16. Sign on a photo shop: Some day your prints will come.
17. Some folks pursue happiness; others create it.
18. Never trust anyone who says he's thirty -- and then shakes a container of milk before pouring it.
19. You know something is wrong with the air when your tires start wearing out from the inside.
20. A great way for a person to lose weight would be to place the handle of the refrigerator door about two inches from the floor.